Bittersweet Love Affair
by Hitsuzen Nakagauchi
Summary: He developed a deep sense of feelings for her and she refuses to let him in...in her heart. but eventually gave in. they loved each other the whole summer...until the lilac is in it's final spring unto it's final autumn.R&R!
1. i am not what you see

"What! But Dad, could you at least told me about this earlier? Is it too sudden to do that?"

Mitsui furiously swing his arm and angrily plunk on the couch. This is the most unbelievable news that he had received for this day. His father who is in a business trip had met a woman and only after a week of dating, they married and decided to move to the household by today. And what's even more worse is that they have another one to tug along with them. His soon-to-be stepsister.

"Is there anything I could do about that?"

He hanged the phone down and washed his own dishes on the rink. In his wandering state, he accidentally broke a plate. He cursed under his breath and heads up to the living room. He can't believe it, his own father had found someone to replace his mother. They are only divorced and it still didn't gave him the right to replace the only woman to their lives.

They arrived very shortly as knocks sounded on the door. He opened it and his father greeted him jocundly. He is trying not to look obnoxious by forcing a sweet smile to his newly found mother. After short introductions, his stepmother starts to compliment how gorgeous is her husband's son is.

"You didn't told me you have a very handsome son, Masaki."

"And you didn't told me that you have a very pretty daughter yourself Kunoe."

They cuddled each other which sent Mitsui into shivers secretly. He unnoticely brushed his hair and rolled his eyes in disgust. Then, a girl on the door stood and reflects the same face. He looked at her as she stares back at him. His father interrupted and introduced the girl.

"By the way Hisashi, this is your stepsister, Asagiri Kurenai. Kurenai, this is my son Mitsui Hisashi."

She only raised a hand and just said hi. He examined her looks. Her eyes are veiled with dark shaded glasses, her long black hair under a Nike cap. Earphones are in her ears, she is wearing a baby tee and loose pant. Her sports bag strap is dangling across her body as she held a clothed thing on her hand. He assumes that she is as tall as Miyagi. And her skin is as white as a corpse. She stands with such dignity and assurance of authority.

"Hisa, why don't you show your sister her room? Her mom and I will prepare something to eat."

"Yeah, sure thing Dad. Let's go Kurenai."

Her eyebrow raised an arc as she sighs sharply and corrected the wrong name he called her.

"It's Kurei."

"Whatever you say."

They silently walked upstairs. Hisashi is thinking of what kind of attitude does his new sister have, his first impression of her is cold and passive. The ways he greeted him could be a perfect evidence. And the way she corrected him has a mean streak of iciness on it.

"Well here we are. My room is just next door. Just knock if you want something. See you later Kurei."

She just nods and left the door unclosed. Mitsui watches from not afar as Kurenai unclothed the thing on her hand. In his surprise it is a sword and she swings it gently into thin air. He swallows a lump on his throat and can't help believing that there is a killer on their house. She put her bag down and removed the earphone on her ears. She even removed her cap as well as her glasses. Strands of silver tinted hairs fell in her face as she brushed them gently.

He turned around and winks his eyes for a couple of times. /She is weird.../ He thought distracting. He opened the door of his room and quickly closed it. On the second thought, she is beautiful and enigmatic at the same time. Her mystique personality caught him much that he is going to the extent that he'll wish to mingle with her.

A knock on the door startled him. He stood from the bed and silently touches the knob of his own door. When he opened it, he saw her dark orbs glumly staring at him as its hand lifted something levelling to his face. The ball shortly blocked their eyes to reach others and eventually passed as she lowly asked him something.

"Could we play basketball...outside?"

"You know how to play?"

He saw her midnight blue eyes rolled as she retortedly snarl at him blankly.

"Will I invite you if I don't?"

His sarcastic question is responded with a sharper one. His eyebrows raise as his lips curved into amazement. He arrogantly took the ball from her hand and closed his door and followed her.

"Dad, we'll play outside...we'll eat later."

"Sure son, make sure you'll not lose sight of your sister."

/Harsh talker sister more like it./ He rolled his eyes and strongly brash the door open. Kurenai only followed silently and closed it without any noise. It evenly irritates him further. He can't believe that this girl can annoy him this much, on their first meeting. And even dare to challenge him on a one-on-one.

"Why Kurei? Kurenai is a nice name...isn't it?"

No response. He looked back only to see her ignoring him. He coughs and asked her again. His second try caught her attention as she lowly growl at him.

"...it's none of your concern...Micchy."

"Nani!"

He didn't ask anything else. /If she doesn't want to talk, fine. How thrifty she is on talking./ They reached the nearby court and stretch a bit. She only stood there looking at the ball like there was something going to pop out there. When done, they flip a coin to decide who will take the first possession. He choosed tail but lost for it was the head which showed. He starts to guard as Kurenai dribbles the ball. He notice something on how she dribbles, she is using the change of pace strategy. /So she really knows basketball...I had underestimated her.../

"Ready?"

"Anytime!"

She took a quick step. He quickly block her but got eluded when she step a back of the line and shoot the ball in a three point arc. He surprisingly stares at the ball as it fluidly went through the basketball. Now he is more surprise that his stepsister don't only know how to play his game, but also knows how to execute his signature technique...long shots.

"It is my turn now."

She stands guard as he did the same technique. He went easy just like always. He performed his skill just like before. His opponent has no expression as she caught the ball and starts to gain another score. He was like seeing a female version Rukawa's cold attitude. But she is more worse...she was like a walking corpse.

The game ends with score of 9-9, all are courtesy of three point shots. She wipes her face and signals that they should go home now. He nods and followed her silently. His dad lectured him that she is attending Shohoku High and it would not be a problem for him to get her to school.

At home, they shared meals with only his dad and stepmother laughing at their childish jokes. Kurenai silently picking foods and push it on her mouth. She obviously not used to of talking to anybody, even her mom. He stares at her and examines her looks. Now she is wearing an eyeglass for her eyes are just like Kogure. That is the reason why she narrows her eyes when she is staring at someone...like a hawk eyeing his prey. Mistaking her for throwing penetrative glances or glares at other people.

"Kurenai, are you optimistic for tomorrow?"

"Not exactly..."

"Dear, you should be. Shohoku is a nice place. I heard that the people there are nice."

"Your dad is right."

Mitsui could swear the deadly glints in her midnight blue eyes as she glare at her mother. It didn't escape any one of them. It was like she saw someone she hated so much or heard something that furiously made her to retort like that. She stood up and put her chopsticks down and whisperly excuse herself.

"I'll go up now. Thanks for the meal."

Mitsui politely excused his self and heads to his own room. Her door is still open as she silently stands at the window and looking outside. He was again surprise to see her suddenly crouch on the floor and coughing very madly. He ran to her side and smooths her back. When better, she lift sher head up and opened her eyes. He saw blood on her hand as she walked to the provided bathroom at the next door. He only trailed her with wide eyes and speechless. He supports herself on the wall.

He went outside while she closed the door. /What was that/ He scratch his head and decides to sleep. No rattles of dishes are heard below which means that his own dad and his wife are in their room. He plunks on the bed and stare at the white ceiling. Outside the window you could see the city, lights and cars are running to and fro. That is the usual scenery but the one he saw recently is new to his eyes. Whatever it is, he is determined to find out and see for his self.

They were both summoned on the living room as their own parents are preparing their selves to reveal something that Mitsui and Kurenai are lazily to know. She was sitting shoulder slump as Mitsui set down on the stair. He saw her having those earphones again stuck in her ear. Those wide dark colored glasses, black baby tee, loose navy blue pants, her bag's strap across her body and her hair underneath a white Nike cap. /Just like yesterday./ She was like going somewhere without telling them.

"Whatever..."

She spun around and silently opened the door. Mitsui shook his head slightly to see how his stepmother frown on the way her own daughter treats her. She must be having a really hard time dealing with a kind of daughter like her. Distant, icy...whatelse? Kurenai only answers a one or two line response and nothing more exceeds that. It was like they are just sisters on the way they act.

"It's alright Masaki...I already knew of what to do. Hisashi, please could you take care of Kurenai for me? And I apologize for her behavior."

"Sure...no problem Kunoe-san..."

He too went outside with no assurance of whether he is sure about his words or not. If she is the identical of Rukawa...definitely he'll be going to have a real headache. But if that challenges his self...why shouldn't he try? Besides, he admits that he is mostly attracted to girls who are opposing him greatly.

He went back when his dad and his wife left. The house seems to be too big with him all alone. He head first to the kitchen and was too surprise to see all the things are washed up and some foods are cooked. /Maybe Dad did this before they left.../ He then went to the living room where he saw someone on the couch...sleeping. He crouched down and stare at its sleeping face. It startled him to see that it was her and already awaken from her slumber.

"Hisashi...I want to talk to you...about my recent...cruel behaviors..."

Kurenai seats up and trailed Mitsui who is sitting down. He faced her, his face serious and very attentive. It brought a smile on her face that didn't escaped his eyes. She shifts uncomfortably and wore out her glasses.

"Well, for a start...I apologize for being rude yesterday."

"It's nothing. I just want to know why."

She looked straight at him and sigh.

"I want to make my mama suffer...to be neglected. She is...well could we change topic?"

He nods and flashes her a warm smile. /Maybe she is not that bad after all./

"But whatever your burden is, as your new brother, don't hesitate to tell me...is that a deal?"

Hesitations drew across her face. He understands what she feels. It is not that easy to trust someone that easy when it happen you only got to meet them twice. That is what she is thinking and feeling at the same time.

"I can't promise...but I'll try. Just be patient with me ne?"

"I am a patient person Kurei, especially for having someone like you."

She blushed for the first time that sends Mitsui laughing very hard. She flashed a warning glare but eventually caught the laughing disease and do what he does...laughing very heartily.

"So care for a one-on-one?"

"Well, how about you stroll me here in Kanagawa then we'll play later?"

Mitsui stood up and offer her a hand. Their eyes met with smile on their faces. Everything ugly that went between them this past 42 hours had disappeared and now been settled eventually forgot everything like nothing happened.

"Gee I didn't know that there are still men who believes in such gentlemanly gestures."

"Well now you do."

"Yes, I do now."

They went out together in time for the ending summer festival. Mitsui never thought he'll celebrate this occasion again with a light feeling. And this time, someone provided him something to look upon. He don't know if this love at first sight but he believes that he is starting to develop a profound feelings for her.

Their first stop is the cotton candy stand where she kindly gave five candies to children flocking around the stall. He got even more interested to see her being close to kids. Then after she finished, she treats Mitsui one and another one for herself. The sparkle that glistens in her eyes are evident, and he is happy to see her happy.

"You really like kids do you?"

"Yes...I used to attend some nursery back in Tokyo. Children are pure and innocent, they attracts me too much...I wish I was like them."

She grasped his hand and dragged him next to bunny stall. He won her several and just like before, she kindly gave it to some children. She only kept one for herself, a blue bunny with a golden ribbon on its neck. In a joking debate, she named the toy after Mitsui which he told her is a female and should be called after her name. She defended that it is blue where it should be called Hisashi. She eventually won and dragged him to other places. He only sigh defeatingly and followed her.

He sat down under a tree and can't help believing that he got so tired not because of basketball but because he escorted his step sister who overly enjoyed the last festival for summer. But at least her smiles gave him a bit of his energy back to continue to follow her who is having fun with children.

"How can you have so much energy?"

"For children, getting tired is nothing. They can pave our exhaustion away."

He nods approvingly. He is not into babysitting but once he sees a kid smiling, it really makes him to relax and forget the soring muscles he has. They seat close together and watched the final touch of the event. Colorful fireworks soaring the midnight skies. Dragons, phoenix...people these days are getting even more creative.

He suddenly felt something resting in his shoulders. He looks at it and saw her fallen asleep like she got so drained. But she really did. She timingly slept when the fireworks ended. He only let her in that manner and decides to wake her up after twenty minutes. For now, he has to let her rest...she needs it even if she denies it.

When times up, he gently shook her arms and gestured that should get home. She climbed up and dusts her dress. She is really sleepy that he offered her a piggy back ride. She didn't disagree as he let her ride on his back. She drool her head into his nape as her hands dangles at his neck. Her hair starts to croon on his shoulders as he smells the fragrant shampoo she is using. The smell of beautiful lilacs.

"I'm sorry...my feet can't drag me..."

"It's alright, I'll carry you. Just sleep."

He heard her whisper, it made his heart stout. She said thank you with all the happiness and emotion. For strolling her around and for giving her a childish piggy back ride. It touches him though. Even if he doesn't admit it.

They got home. He lands her on the couch and placed a blanket on her. He felt so tired himself as he rest his head on a pillow. He closed his eyes and smiles to end his unusual day. Whatever she is harbaring against her mother, he knows and feels what she is having...that is why there is nothing he could offer but comfort and it surprises him that he can share that kind of feeling.

Morning welcomes his eyes as he smells scents on the kitchen. Someone is cooking and someone placed a blanket atop of him! He jump up from the couch and cruised his way on the kitchen. A girl was cooking a sumptious food.

"Kurei?"

"Ohayou Hisa-kun! Come on, join me...I'm cooking sukiyaki!"

He threw her an unbelievable gaze as she returned it with a plain smile. He sat down at the table and trailed her walking to and fro body with his soft blue eyes. He notices many things on her. Her hair is tied up, she isn't wearing any glasses, she is in a semi-fit pants, medium fit tee shirt...most of all there are no earphones stuck on her ear. She is simply pretty. His cheeks blushed furiously until he bows his head and shook it gently.

"Here...I hope you like it. Don't worry I didn't put any poisons or potions."

He spoon a mouthful of it and looked at her like she was pleading for his approval. He pretends he is choking as she smooth his back. She is getting frantically panic when he stuck out his tongue.

"Bee! Caught you!"

"Hisashi!"

"My! If you could just see the way your face crane...gee you look very funny!"

She slapped his shoulder and glare at him annoyingly. He is almost having stomach ache while she squealing hissingly.

"But...even though you look very funny...your cooking is superb."

Her annoyance melted away when he said it with the out most seriousness. She joined him and eventually washes the dishes. He helped her and they both decided to see an old action film and cook some popcorns...right after they clean the house. She grabbed the broom and dust wiper as he picked the other cleaning tools and they started by heading to the backyard.

When they finished, they cleaned the living room and the kitchen eventually. When all done, they just cleaned themselves and settle each other on the couch. Mitsui sets the VHS while Kurenai took charge of the popcorn. The former is looking at the latter who isn't looking. He then again blushes noticing how beautiful she become in just three days time. He might not know her that much but he knows what he saw about her this past less than 72 hours is true...that it is the real Asagiri Kurenai.

"Is it ready?"

"Y-yeah, it does."

She sits beside him and began to get ready. Instead of looking to the screen, he found his self looking at her. She didn't notice it because she is too busy staring at the screen.

"Hisashi...the T.V. is right in front of you, not on my face. Or so, I might melt on what you are doing."

She finally spoke and gave him a corner look where he blushed thoroughly...crimson and bright.

"G-gomen ne!"

"See! If you could just see your face on the mirror...you look funny yourself!"

That was a good counterattack as he starts to tickle her. She didn't expected it for she giggles so loudly that they are rolling on the floor like kids. She tries to break free but he always got her and pulled her to him and tickles her in her weak spots. But they only stop when they realized that their faces are almost an inch apart.

They released each other and pretended that everything is nothing. They watched the rest of the movies quietly and too conscious of each other's presence. Until the movie ends, Mitsui focused himself and found that she again fell asleep.

He lifted her up and heads to her room. /Drained again? Why is it that she is always like this/ He opened the door with his knee and gently laid her on the bed. He pulled the bed sheet up to her shoulder. He is almost leaving when he nailed an eye on her unruly hair on her face. He brushed it off and runs his finger to her supple cheeks. He carefully sits on the bedside and keeps on brushing a finger or two on her face.

"You are so sweet, yet filled with pain. I would like to see you in this peaceful state...where everything is not a burden for you..."

On impulse, he dumped a feather like kiss on her forehead and slowly walked out of her room. /What am I thinking/ He shook his head in surprise and cruised the direction to his room where he let out a sigh not filled of uncertainties but of enthusiasm.

"Kurei! I have practice today in school! I'll be going now!"

"Yeah...take care, oniichan!"

That sounds so good in his ears. Finally, someone called him big brother...he didn't knew the feeling not until she called him by that way. He admits that one by one his strong defenses are in low states whenever she is around. She was like a strong force hurling him down in serene.

"Hey, what's so amusing?"

"No, nothing. Why?"

"You are such a great liar Mitsui. You are smiling for no reason? Do you need some psychiatric help?"

He threw Miyagi a sharp snob and released the ball in a fluid arc. He knows that he isn't as happy as now but is it bad for others to see him like this? But looking on the other side...is he really starting to like her as a sister or as a lover? Which is true? He shakes his head violently and focused on the ball. If it is like basketball...then it would be really hard. And the question is, does she likes him as a brother or as a lover?

"It would be more pleasing if it is more than I want it to be like..."

He keeps on shooting three points until they finally got their break. Miyagi and Sakuragi accompanied him to a nearby telephone booth. The two are wondering who is he going to call at the time like this. When they reach it, he picked up some yens and stroked it to the coin patcher. He dialled his house number which greatly stunned Miyagi.

"Isn't it your house's number?"

"Yup...going to call my sister."

Sakuragi can't believe what he heard. All they knew is that he has no other siblings because he is an only progeny.

"Nani! Chotto matte Micchy, but did I heard it right?"

"Hai."

The phone has been picked up and obviously it is her who answered it. Mitsui's face brightens up a bit more as the vivacity of his voice sends exclamation face gestures to his two friends.

"Kurei, how's the house?"

He nods as if something went very right.

"Did you have lunch?"

His face suddenly frowned as he sigh deeply.

"You should to it is bad to let your stomach empty. Right after this call, you should eat something okay?"

When he finished, he put back the receiver to the booth. He just stood there as if he was totally disappointed. He shook his head and his face starts to get worried.

"That girl is really stubborn..."

"Kurei...nice name. When did ya met her?"

He whirled around to realized that they are still there. He brushed his hair and focused on both of them.

"Actually, Dad remarried just last week and his new wife has a daughter which is Kurenai or should I say...Kurei."

"Is she beautiful?"

"Well, she's pretty but man, if you only got to know her the first day you'll gonna think that you saw a female splitting image of Rukawa."

He laughs nervously to reminisce the day she stood at the door with that fashion. She looks like a totally delinquent kid. But he shouldn't tell them about the sword, he his self almost forgot about that.

"But she is nice, and very bubbly. I think first impression really don't last."

"Hey Mitsui, could we see your sister? Ya know, just got curious."

"Hai, hai. Just to stop you guys from being too snoopy."

Miyagi, Sakuragi and Kogure looked at each other's faces and smiles. Sure do that curiousity kills the cat. While on the train, Miyagi is bagging Sakuragi down with Kogure going in between. He is too pre-occupied to place an attention to their childish squabbles.

When they reached his house, lights are on and the door is slightly opened. He leads the way as he shot his presence in. Footsteps running on the stair is heard as the other three can't wait to see her. When finally appeared, all that could hear from them are ohs and ahs. Mitsui smiles possessively as he place an arm on her shoulder.

"Guys, my sis...Kurenai."

"Konnbanwa."

"Konnbanwa!"

"Kudasai, what do you want? Coffee, softdrinks or anything else?"

Miyagi spoke first as Sakuragi smiles to her. Kogure adjust his glasses and nods at her.

"Please have a seat first while waiting."

"Matte, I'll help her."

"Sure Micchy, take your time."

When he heads to the kitchen, he and Kurenai exchanges green jokes that wonders the others. Their laughters could be heard unto the living room that they can't control to laugh back at them. When done, Kurenai insisted that she's going to do something in her room.

"Whew! Sure she looks so pretty. Stepsister I presume?"

Mitsui nods and took the remote control. It was like they are couples instead of being stepsiblings. The guys didn't believe him at first but eventually slid the idea out of their heads. If it is only going to be his choice, he would like to be what they are thinking of them. That they are more like to be as couples.

"Where's your guest?"

"They went home...you know tired and everything. By the way, how do you feel now?"

She smiles at him and brush her long black silver highlighted hair. He is not that convinced.

"Kurenai, don't lie to me. You are feeling dizzy, right?"

"Geez Hisashi, I am actually fine...don't worry!"

He stood up and shook his head.

"You are really a stubborn lady...life is short, you know what I mean. I just want to fit in, in your life...we might not know, I might be gone by tomorrow,"

A pause and he smiled at her.

"And I might not express what I feel to those I love and cared for. Oyasumi nasai, Kurei."

He doesn't want to say that but he can't help it. He has this feeling that she'll be leaving soon. Sooner that it will be too late for him to know. He don't want her to go, not now especially that he is starting loving her...more than a brother.


	2. throughout and close to you

He woke up first in the morning with the same kitchen scent. He feels guilty about saying those words to her even though he knows that she knows what he truly meant. A blood won't lie, it means life as well as death. Either means to her...but he fears that it sided most on death, the most unchoosable moment for every person who still are gayful to live but the most desirable decision for those who are not hesitating to die.

He silently seats on the counter and knew that she felt his presence. He stares at her like she is going to vanished if he missed an eye. Silence serves as an invisible barrier between them. Until she accidentally let go of a plate and smoothes her forehead. She then cough so hard that blood starts to oozes.

"Here...let me help you."

He guided her to the stool as he later on sweep the broken pieces of ceramic scattered on the floor. When done, he stands at her side and pats her back. She without a word rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"What is wrong?"

"Nothing...got only a little sleep last night. But nothing to worry about."

"Can you stand?"

She nods and tries to muster enough strength to make him see that he doesn't have to worry. She successfully stood in her first step but falls when she tried to have the second step. Mitsui caught her in time and carried her on the couch. They seated there with his arm around her shoulder. He felt her frame resting on his as her head on his arms. He gently strokes her hair and let her relax.

"About the blood...the one that I saw in your first day here and today, what was that?"

She snuggle even more close to him and felt the fear and sorrow she is harboring inside her heart. He is starting to have the scaring feeling that what he guesses is right.

"I am dying..."

He heard a low chuckle underneath him as her hand twinning his shirt. He don't know what to react... tell her she is lying or yet making another one lame excuse. To laugh hard or cry like a lunatic.

"That is the truth...I decided to drift along aimlessly until I consume all my time..."

She looked up at him.

"...but when I met you, I slightly change my plan. You made me very happy and still doing strong...life is truly short. So please, I beg you...stay here."

He nods and buried her face on his warm embrace. She drifted into sleep as he let the stranded tears out of his eyes. He cried silently and traced her face with his fingers. /It must have been lung cancer...why it has to be you/ He doesn't want her to go, not now he is so sure that he is deeply in love with his own stepsister. Possessive though he is, he doesn't care as long as she is with him and him with her.

He continues to stroke her hair, he leaned his face against her head...smelling the scentful fragrance of a blooming lilac. She is getting paler as days pass by. She always her energy depleting even more faster than before...she coughs more often, and that blood frequently welcomed his eyes. He shut his eyes so fiercely that he almost squeezed her like a pillow.

"Kurenai...ai...aishiteru, kitto."

He let her go and laid her on the couch. He ran up to the stairs and got some warm blanket. The night had gone unusually cold and biting...autumn is on reach then winter. /Winter...hmm...wish she was still with me.../ He caught his self staring at her lips...enticing him to touch it, to possess it. His thoughts were cut off when he realized in between thoughts that he is brushing her lips softly with his.

That kiss last for a bit long. He let her lips go and brushes her cheeks with such longing and love. He never thought that he was going to be like this...that he will put all his defenses in such low rate and welcoming such emotion called love.

He woke up with her in his arms. She must have seat up and snuggled to him for the blanket is thrown around them. He smiles for her thought. He suddenly felt her moving and starting to open her eyes.

"Ohayou, Hisashi."

"Ohayou Kurei. Got a better sleep?"

"Never thought I could feel so secure with you around. Should I say, sleeping in your arms is sure do nice. Domo arigatou."

He smiles and stood up. He landed a hand to her and help her up. Whatever happened last night, she doesn't knew about it for it will remain a secret. Her lips taste so sweet, so sugary. He unnoticely rubbing a finger on his lips. That is not his first, but the first sweetest he ever tasted, he ever obtained. And he would want it to be owned only by him...and no one else.

"What's the matter?"

"G-gomen ne!"

He laughs nervously.

"I thought you have some practice for today?"

"Well, I changed my mind...I'm staying, here with you. You don't know what will happen to you..."

His face got serious and his eyes stern.

"...your alone, and I want to make sure you are going to be alright. Okay?"

She perked up. Her eyes are smiling and it made him to soften his once tensed feature. But it disappeared when he realized she was saying something. Something he didn't expect from her.

"You know what? I am very afraid to develop something to someone or to anyone..."

He saw her seat on the floor and stares outside the window.

"...knowing that I will eventually die, that would only make them sad and for me to feel hard for leaving them. That is why whenever I can steel my heart, I will for that is the right thing to do...the better they deserve."

The sadness of her voice echoes on his ears. Her eyes lies on what she truly feels, as well as her voice.

"Does it mean that I should deserve better than loving you...with all my heart?"

She shook her head and remained silent. It seems that she didn't hear what he said or she just ignored it. His temper is loosing its length.

"Don't say I deserve better. That I should deserve someone different, far more better. I don't want anything or anyone else, I just want you. Because I deserve you!"

She looked up to him with the glum midnight blue eyes of her...black, empty, voidless, vast. Like she is nothing but a living dead.

"You don't know what you're saying...no one deserves a dying person. Not even you."

He lunged to her and held her tight. She still remained undaunted of his voice. He was crying. She fell on the floor with him atop of her. His hands cradled her unresponsive body as if he is going to disappear. His warm breathing didn't even help him brought her sanity back.

"But I love you for God's sake! Can't you see it! I love you!"

She didn't move, tears made its way to her cheek...spoke the words she cannot apprehend verbally. She stares at the white ceiling until his eyes replace it to her vision. His tears fell on her cheek, entwining with hers.

"I can't love you, even if I would like to...I am dying, can't you see? I am dy---"

She was cut off when he pressed his lips against her pink one. She closes her eyes, he saw it and closed as well as his own. The kiss lasted for long until he released her and looked intently into her vast and blank eyes. He capped her face and showed his sadness and own sorrow.

"I love you...why can't you accept that?"

"Because I am dying..."

He buries his head into her neck and his shoulders are shaking. He is too disappointed to feel her resistance to his sincere feeling. He is too depressed on her naivity to his pure love. He is so frustrated to make her see that he's loving her with all his heart.

"But I love you!"

"I can't love you..."

"But why can't you love me? Give me a reason!"

"I am dying..."

"Why are you so stubborn!"

"Because I have to...no alternative choice."

"But I really do..."

She embraced him back with a feeling...a feeling of comfort and...sympathy!

"Love can't help me live...my days are numbered and such feeling won't even treat my disease, you have to be realistic Hisashi. We have to be practical."

His eyes are sorrowful, melancholically pleading for her to accept him with her heart.

"But at least let me be there for you until your time is through...let me share it with you, let me make it with you..."

"I don't know...suffering alone will bring no harm to anyone, even to you. I just want to pass away without any people crying, you see I hate tears...mine is all dried so don't shed one...even if its for me."

He kissed her once again, slowly. Like he is being too careful not to hurt her... but with it comes that fiery spirit which is like he wants to possess her. He quickly stood off her and brashingly went out the door. He can't understand why is she so closed to the world outside her own, that she is afraid of letting anyone to come in...to bring comfort, joy and love.

A week passed...she always locks herself inside her room. A piano pieces of Johannes Brahms and Mozart plays on her CD player. He has no clues of what she is doing. Sometimes he pins his ears very closely on her door to listen if she is coughing again in which in his gladness, she isn't. He only visits her every time she is in deep sleep. He will smooth her cheek and stare at her longingly, with the truth never leaving his mind. Many girls crave for his attention, even in those times he had been a bully. He likes attention but don't give a notice of it. And now he found true love, he feels like he is more dying everytime he saw her getting paler and paler.

Her mother called and told him she has lung cancer. The reason why she has to release too much blood even though unnecessary. He knew about it and was extremely horrified. That killer disease has treatments but hers is in its critical stage. The reason why she went to Kanagawa is to spend those remaining days without the bustling noises of the busy city of Tokyo.

"Hey Mitsui! Gee for cheese sake, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean 'what am I doing'? Of course I am shooting the ball, you idiot!"

"Stupid! You are supposed to pass the ball, dork!"

He remembered, they are practicing basic passing. His thoughts are flying these past three practices, always getting worried of how she might be. He even can't concentrate on playing, even Miyagi notices his sudden change.

"What's wrong with you? Your acting more worser than Sakuragi. Is there anything bothering you?"

"Kurenai is dying...and I can't help her..."

"Nani! You mean that beautiful sister of yours? Man, she is too beautiful and young to die!"

He nods as tears threats to flow out of his eyes. He quickly grabbed a towel and pretends to wipe his face where actually he wipes his tears. Until the practice ends, he is looking very sad, heartbroken and totally depress. He wander aimlessly not knowing where to spend his time and to momentarily forget what he's thinking. He suddenly stopped by a music shop where he spotted a very cute but simple music box. It has a lake princess dancing like she was on ice. The tune is solemn and very enticing. He went inside and decides to buy it for her, to at least make her smile...the one that is from the bottom of her heart.

He slid the thing on his bag and loaded the train. His once sad face lightens up a bit as he smiles a little to imagine her reaction to his gift for her. He bets she likes simple things that meant forever. For she meant dearly for him as long as she lives.

He got home in time for their parents to arrive. She still acts like before to her mother and he can't scold her about this. He followed her to her room where she courteously invited him in. He sat on the edge of her bed and they stare at each other silently.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better...all those locking-yourself-inside-your-room had helped me a lot. Thanks for the concern."

"Naruhodo...well I want to give you this..."

He hands her his gift.

"...I happened to pass an antique music shop and saw that. I got too attracted to that so I bought it for you."

She carefully opened the wrapping and slowly, happily stare at the music box. She, like a child whirl the key under the box and placed the lake princess as it dances to the tune.

"Nocturne...the tune is Nocturne! This is such a nice gift Hisashi, domo arigatou..."

She hugged him and he felt the sincere gratitude and he gently slid his arms around her. The same fragrant lilac smells vigorously, intoxicating his nostrils like perfume. He untangled his self off as they watches the little princess dances like a flower. He shifted his eyes from the music box to her. His hands flew on her cheek as she smiles and smooth it with hers.

"You are really beautiful..."

He pulled her close to him. She without a word reciprocates. He raised her chin and make her to look at him. He encircled his arms around her waist, resting his forehead on hers. She closed her eyes and finally rest on his chest. Mitsui provided her a pillar to support her weak body. They stayed close until the morning comes.

"Mitsui!"

"Miyagi! Ayako!"

He joined them for awhile and left her standing at the door. She cruised every one of the boys coming in. She was later dragged by Mitsui to meet the others. She smiles to know them all as she was escorted by Ayako to a bench near Coach Anzai. She is having fun talking with Kogure and Sakuragi.

"Guys...not my sister!"

"What are you saying?"

She covers her mouth to avoid bursting out her giggles. Mitsui and Sakuragi are in a squabble with Miyagi and Kogure tries to untangle them apart.

"Don't mind them...that's very common."

Ayako tapped her shoulder and smiled levelling her eyes. She smiled back and made sure of her self that she would definitely loved to come with Hisashi everyday on this fun-filled carnival, and it's free!

"Are you sure you're going to be okay here?"

"Sure I do, don't worry. If ever I fainted...there are so many who'll help me up."

He ruffles her hair and went back to the practice. Every time he realizes he has gone too long, he'll check her out beside Anzai-sensei and raise a finger. She'll wave back and smile. Ayako keeps her company with some jokes from Miyagi and Sakuragi. But he knows she is most amused to see someone as cold as Rukawa. She keeps on asking him who is the guy that is very quiet and isolated. As usual, he is very jealous of him.


	3. last autumn, last farewell

She always comes with him this whole week. He is so happy that seeing her smile and having some fun quiet made him to forget about her life threatening disease. She looks like revitalizing her own strength as she right after practice share some useful tips on their reserve players. Even Akagi is so amazed to find her full of good advices. And he feels so proud of her.

She often smiles, she frequently laughs...but this are not all form the bottom of her heart. The pain still lives her life, making her mind as well as her heart to feel the bitterness of her short life. No one in the team knew, except for Miyagi who kept it a secret...even though unnecessary.

One afternoon, they went home with her full of energy and life. She talks too much of how funny Sakuragi looks like every time he tries to compete with Rukawa and vainly impressing Haruko, which he lost both eventually. He laughs at her intent observation and answer back that it is one of the most common scenes she could find in the team, especially while engaging on a tournament.

"Domo arigatou, Hisashi."

"For what?"

"For allowing me to come with you, I do really had fun."

"You are welcome. Want some ice cream?"

"Hai!"

If she were to be compared to anything, it has to be a child. Despite of her disease, she is full of life, of energy. She is acting and moving like she is all mighty healthy. It makes him glad and sad at the same time. She slowly eats it and taking all the time. Her lips though smiling, her eyes doesn't reflect the same...it is sad and truly hurting.

"Hisashi, if I were to die...would you promise to bring me to place near the sea?"

His eyes widened and craned his head to her direction. Her facial expression is smiling and what is surprising is that...she is not lying. Her eyes are glistening with only a smile full of sorrow.

"Kurenai!"

"Gomen ne! I know I am talking nonsense...well I just ask, forget it."

She continues to eat and invited him to come with her to see something very beautiful. The port. And the vast blue sea. Few of the many things she finds very amusing on the world she is going leave behind.

"On all of the places I had found, this one is where I like the best. This is the only place I find very peaceful...the place where I would like to rest too...(whispers lowly)for eternity."

He seats beside her and watches the waves of the sea with the red ball of fire gleaming it like a blue glass. It is truly relaxing for he caught her admiration of the place. She reached for his hand and held it very gently. He squeezed back and asked her its time to go home.

They walked hand in hand and came to a silent understanding. When they got home, they part and went to sleep. /If I were to ask, I'll ask him to make me take your place.../

"Kurenai!"

A shout from the living room startled him. /Kurenai/ He ran down as quickly as he could and found her lying unconsciously on the floor...with a blood on her hand. In his horror he lift her head up and tries to wake her up, but in his vain she didn't opened her eyes. He carried her and placed her on the couch. Her mother dials her mobile phone and called a family doctor from Tokyo. He went upstairs and rapidly changed clothes.

The doctor arrived less than an hour. He waits until the diagnosis ends. He prays that it would not be even more worst than he expects.

"Asagiri-san, she should take a lot of rest...her body can't keep with her routine anymore. Her cancer is on its final stage, there is nothing we could do. Gomen nasai."

Kunoe drived the doctor to the train station leaving him with her on her room. He held her hand and stare at her intently. /There is nothing we could do.../ His teeth gritted to replay what the doctor said. He is in deep thought when she opened her eyes.

"I dreamt something...just this morning. Papa, he was asking me to go with him..."

He smiles to reach her cheek. She enclosed it with her left hand and smiles back at him. Like a child, being robbed of the chance to live longer.

"...he said I need to go...but know what?"

He caringly shook his head. She squeezed his hand a bit tighter than before.

"I told Papa that I can't leave just yet...because I can't leave you, not until I say I love you."

He looks at her as if he was hit with something or by someone. She didn't bother to look back for her eyes are so tired to open. She only made her other senses works. He just sat there like a statue, still surprise.

"I love you...Hisashi. I fell in love with your fiery spirit, for your fierce passion and for your caringness and pity for me. Domo arigatou..."

He leaned to her and damped her lips. He moves closer and carried her frame unto his. His hands supporting her back and tilts her head to meet his. The kiss is more passionable, more demanding for he greatly taste the recesses of her lips. His hands exploring her back and laid her body on the bed. He released her lips and lift his face just an inch apart. He looked at her dark eyes. His was smiling with all the longing.

"I love you very much...you had made me so happy, Kurenai."

He traced the jawline of her cheek with his finger and slid his arm to her shoulder. She snuggled close to him, like she was bitten by extreme cold. He hugged her tight and entwined a strand of her hair to his finger.

Outside, her mother witnesses it all. A tear fell from her cheek. She was smiling as she quietly closed the door.

"My daughter is in love in bless to Hisashi...my dear boy, make her happy in any way you can, she deserves it."

They are happily chatting to each other while watching the breeze outside her window. Summer is going to end and she loves watching the autumn leaves falling outside, the famous maple leaves.

"Did you have any other, you know...boyfriends?"

"chuckles softly Are you jealous?"

Her eyes are half close but challenging.

"Well, a little..."

She looked at him, daring him to tell the truth. He blushed crimson and scratches a finger on his cheek. She giggles knowing she hit a nerve.

"...okay, alright. I am deeply jealous."

"No I haven't...no one dared. The sword explains it all."

She points a finger to the clothed untouchable thing at the corner of her room. He gulped and sweats nervously. She saw it and looked intently at him.

"How about you Hisashi, how many girls tasted that, you know, lips of yours?"

"Two...all are just after physical attraction."

He once again tasted the sugar recession of her lips. She kissed back.

"Don't you know anything aside from kissing? Aren't you abusing me in that way?"

"What else do you suggest?"

He looked at her with a naughty idea on his mind.

"Hisashi, I know what you are thinking...you can't do that, unless I am all better. And except if I agree with you...besides that is for adults only. I'm only seventeen years old. That is child abuse."

He laughs so hard hearing her getting energetic again, slightly scolding him about his mischievous idea.

"I know...and I won't do that because I love you, remember?"

She nods. He snuggled her close to him and remained quiet for the rest of the morning. She then again fell asleep. When in deep slumber, he slowly and carefully slid out his arms on her shoulder making her to fully laid on the bed. That is not to awake her. Just like the doctor said, she needs full rest for her body cannot cope up with her usual routine, not like before.

He walked to her study table and examined it carefully. On the right most side, a couple of pictures were in a frame under the lamp. It was her with her father perhaps and the other one was her with someone he can't guess who. He saw a cute writing beneath denoting, 'My Best Friend And I' then another little pretty scripture saying 'K & K--4ever'. It was surely a guy for it poses with softness and dignity. Her eyes sparkles so clearly that reflects her special affection for the boy beside her.

He shoved it back. She has a neat desk with different book of languages spreading at its headboard. Her pencil vase has different set of coloring materials and pencils. And when his eyes landed on something on the face of the table, he was unable to avoid his curiousity to stop. He already open the folder and starts to lay an eye on the handwriting on it.

dearest serenity,

i know i'll find you here in kanagawa...peace and tranquility i tried to seek in tokyo. ever since i was little, i always dreamt and fantasize a place like here, without the noisy and bustling city where i came from. demo, i mostly love the seaside and the port...they are the marina i longingly to obtained. i know that i am dying, both in heart and soul. in no less time i'll come with papa where he is right now.

demo, there is someone who makes me to think second about leaving. i really had no plans of falling in love to him but eventually i gave in. he is so sweet, the way he hides his frailty and vulnerability makes me to seek my self, of what i truly want. i had likened him for his challenging fiery spirit and fierce passion. his wild but soft exurbance is making me to regret that i had loved. despite of it, i want to take the risk of going with him...even if it means cosing my own life.

i never knew love would be this fascinating. not until he came my way and decided to stay with me. i had him and i had everything, except for my time. i don't care, all i want is him and only him.

when it's time for me to go...i would love to be on the seaside, with him beside me. until i close my eyes in my final sleep. that would be the the final fantasy that will come true. hard though it is to me. hisashi is my everything, my only everything.

i will only be on a long journey, never knowing when to come back. a traveler. a wanderer. for the next time we'll meet...maybe then will only be for us to be together.

truly love hurts.

a wanderer and a traveler,

kurenai

He folds the thing back and looked at her. She was sleeping, maybe will not wake up. /No, she must not leave me this soon./ The last paragraph on her writings struck him deeply like a knife on his heart. No means of assurance, no means of anything. In her letter, she was like so sure of her impending days. It hurts him greatly to know her view of life and love. An ironic of what he sees of these two things.

Summer is going to end, as well as the IH. Tomorrow is their battle against Sannoh High. Ever since he left Kanagawa, he always gets worried of her. He calls home every before and after a game.

"Mitsui, don't worry. She is going to be okay. Remember, she told us that she'll wait for us to come back with the championship? That is why we must play hard to get what we promise her...the trophy."

He nods and perked up a semi-happy smile. He must not worry much, she is going to be okay. Even though she has been bedridden these past few weeks, he can still see her cheeks flushing red and her eyes widely smiling. It is enough for him to smile, just to see this all. And if she sees him like this, he'll only cause her trouble.

They are going home, at last. He has to worry no more. He is going to see her and take care of her as well. He can make sure that she is going to be pampered. He is so happy to show her their prize for all the hard work...and it is all for her. For being the greatest inspiration, his greatest determination.

While on the train, he saw a beautiful place. The seaside...he remembered what she wrote for someone names Serenity. He wants to take her there, when she ask of him to do so. For that will be the time she'll go...and leave him and everything behind. Her final goodbye.

"Konnichiwa! Kurenai?"

"Come in Hisashi...I'm awake."

A soft but happy voice welcomed him. He opened the door and saw her playing the music box on her lap. She was in a beautiful loose yukata and her hair is in a loose braid. Her eyes are half closed but tints of pinks glow in her cheeks. He kissed her. Just the same as before...sugary and sweet.

"We won...just like we promised."

"Omedatou..."

She reached her hand and he caught it. He damped it with a kiss, she laughs and softly retorted that he isn't gonna quit kissing her.

"Because I love you...do you too?"

"Of course, I do too..."

He opened the window as they watch the falling maple leaves on the window. He told her their stories about the recently held inter high where they were crowned as the champion for this year. She listens very attentive to him. She is smiling greatly on hearing news from Sakuragi, Rukawa and Miyagi. For her, they are the few people who made her very happy and carefree for even once in her short life.

"No wonder, those leaves and I have a lot in common..."

He looked at her as if it is going to be the last time. She is like a flower on it's final spring. A lilac on it's final autumn.

"Hisashi?"

"Hmmm?"

"Onegai, could you take me to the sea side..."

He nods and helped her to stand up. He got the keys and drives the car. Along the highway, she remained focused on the window...on the world outside. She is memorizing everything that she'll never able to see again, until her journey ends. He wants to cry but he can't. He wants to talk to her, but he can't. He feels his tongue is tied in a knot.

They reached the place on sunset. They walked while holding hands and barefooted. They are quiet and are too pre-occupied to say anything. She hooked her hand to his arm and rested on his shoulder. They seated in the sand, watching the sun going down.

"Domo arigatou...for making me so genki all this summer...my last summer."

"Do...you really...have to go?"

There is a trace of hardship in his voice, she could feel the hardship...but she must go, she is too delayed. She can't sooth his tormented heart and she is starting to feel extreme regret of loving back, knowing full well of what it will result at the end.

"I must or this journey won't end at all..."

He placed a blanket on her shoulders and slid arm to it. She reciprocates and closed her eyes halfly. The same scent of fresh lilacs, emmiting on her hair, on her skin. The fresh scent of that flower which could only be smelled on springs.

"Every people had their own journeys to complete, and mine is almost done..."

Her voice is starting to be whisper-like.

"...but yours is still moving, don't stop...just because I stopped. Move forward, even without me."

She touches his hand and softly squeezes it. He held her too close and buries his face on her shoulders. She chuckled very lowly that sends smiles to his face.

"Demo, when I come back...would you welcome me home?"

He looked at her with a very regretful but loving eyes. A tear is swelling on his eyelids that she gently brushes it away. Her hands stayed on his face as he closed it with his own. Finally, her smile is from the bottom of her heart, it should make him happy but it hurts him deeply to see it.

"I will...for I will wait for you to comeback..."

She smiled as her face fell on his chest. Her hand tightly grasped his shirt and closed herself to him. He could hear her small breathings underneath him. He keeps on smoothing her hair and let her body weigh all its mass unto him. Every minute, she became heavier and heavier.

"I feel too sleepy┘I want to sleep┘"

Mitsui didn't hear her say the word, she closed her eyes.

The sun is finally setting down as he let her sleep in his arms. Her face is smiling, her eyelids shut close. Her soft white hands are been cradled in his arms. Her hair is like whirlpool of ebonies spread in the sand, been loosen from its braid. He finally touches her cheek and a bittersweet smile drawn across his face. His fingers touches her skin but was like been burned as he pulled it away automatically. His tears sprang madly as he cradled her to his arms.

He is crying silently while brushing her lips then gave her a kiss on the forehead. His lips trembled, his hands trailing her face, brushing strands of her hair away from her eyes. He looked intently to her and his vision gets blurry with tears.

"I love you...very much...Kurenai...till we meet again."

His shoulder shook violently as he once again buried his face on her neck. Her hand fell on the sand as her head drooped down from his arms. He lifted her head and slowly, shakingly kissed her lips...for the last time. She looks like she was only sleeping, so peaceful that he couldn't believe that she's gone.

She finally rested her final hours. She already left him, and everything behind. This is her final goodbye. Like a maple leave, she spun away from its branch...to wait for another spring.

Hisashi,

Domo arigatou...domo arigatou for everything. Most of all, for loving me...I can't thank you enough. Sayonara, Hisashi-kun...till we meet again.

When I come home, will you welcome me?

Kurenai

Reality hurts...love deepens it through.

I will only be in a long journey, never knowing when to come back. a traveler...a wanderer...

END

author's note/last words: i hope you liked it. i based my story from the rurouni kenshin seishouhen arc...let's just say, i am deeply hurt from what i had saw from that arc. in this fic, i deeply emphasized the same pain i have, the ups and downs, the tears and smile it brings, the remorse feelings and hopes in exchange of the pain...about loosing someone you greatly love and cherish. i already lost three, but in some cases...i remained smiling and pretending that, that smile i own is pure and from the bottom of my heart. in reality, they are full of pain, longing and sadness.  
love is a sweet thing when you are experiencing it, but it hurts greatly when you lost it...i know how it feels. every and each people has their own set of pains, have their own grudges and anxiety, and i am no exception for i harbor them greatly inside of me. the only way i find to express it is to write it on words, emphasize its every length like i own it all. believing that someday, it will reach them...for them to know how and what i feel.  
it is better to hold those people you love now, for when they vanish...you'll regret it deeply. love is one of the many greatest things God had shared to every living things; the outcome of it depends on how we, the living things understand it, enact it and cherish it. i am a tormented person, but still hoping that someday, this heart of mine will experience love like it has before.  
i hope you read it with all your heart.

+ rei li


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